Copyright 1999 -- Robert Baer Jr. 

The Renegade Files - "Party Crashers"

PROLOGUE

>This is the story of a superhero, The Computer Renegade, as told through
>the eyes of his faithful bionic German Shepard Otto.  Disguised as
>Accountant Nathan Lovejoy, the Renegade and his friends fight a never
>ending battle against crime, injustice and danger.   This is yet another
>entry from Otto's 'personal' log.
>
The Renegade Files -- "Party Crashers" 

It was Friday night and time for my master and his wife to get ready for
the big Masquerade Ball being held at the Hunterly Mansion.  This was
quite a famous annual social event in our area, and this year Nathan
Lovejoy received an invitation delivered by Miles Hunterly himself!  Miles
and his family own a great many businesses in the county, and since Nathan
did all of their corporate taxes for them, he was invited to the big
party!  Only one part of this situation that I didn't like:  NO DOGS
ALLOWED!

"I'm sorry Otto," Nathan explained to me as he began to put on his vampire
costume,"I can't take you and Sam with me, as much as I'd like to, there's
no dogs allowed.   The Hunterly's only daughter Katrina is allergic to pet
fur, I'm sorry."

"I understand," I said sadly,"but there'll be a lot of people there, and a
lot of food.  Can't I just sneak in for a while?"

"No, Otto!" Wanna shouted as she was struggling to put on her Morticia
Adams outfit,"this is a very important social event, we don't want get
thrown out by bringing pets."

"But I'm not just a pet," I muttered sadly to myself as I walked out of
the room to search for my wife.  She was out in the stable area talking
with Starlight and the Computer Gila Monster.  

"I've got bad news, sweetie," I said as I walked into the stable,"Nathan
and Wanna haven't changed their minds, we can't go to the Masquerade Ball
with them."

"Oh NO!" Samantha cried, trying to hold back her tears,"I really wanted to
attend with them!"

"Don't be sad about it," the Gila Monster said as he petted
Samantha,"besides, most humans are just big old twerps anyway!   I got a
idea!   How about the four of us take a scroll down to the lake? 
Starlight, I'll saddle you up with that special saddle that Buford guy
made for you, and we'll all have a snack while we're there!"

"Snack?" I asked,"what kind of snack?"

"Why, ants of course!" the Gila said with a smile,"I'll catch enough ants
for everybody!  What do you say?"

"Ewwwww, gross!" Samantha smirked.

"Tell you want, my friend," Starlight said to the Gila,"we'll go to the
lake with you but skip the ants, OK?"

"It's a deal!" the Gila Monster said as he reached for Starlight's
saddle,"more ants for me!"

The Gila Monster saddled Starlight and all of us walked down to the lake. 
Meanwhile Nathan and Wanna arrived at the Hunterly Mansion.  There was
even valet parking at the door!   In the huge dining hall was many
important and influencental people, like the mayor, the sheriff, even
Colonel Krispy came (but he didn't wear a costume).  Nathan and Wanna were
completely overwhelmed by the beauty of the huge mansion.  There were old
paintings on all the walls, antique furniture all around the room and four
crystal chandeliers hanging for the ceiling.   They did recognize Mr and
Mrs Hunterly, they were dressed as Sonny and Cher.  In a lonely corner of
the room was a young lady dressed as a court jester.  She seemed so sad
that Nathan and Wanna walked over to her,

"Young lady," Wanna said with a smile,"I'm Wanna Lovejoy, this is my
husband Nathan, pleased to meet you!"

"Hi," the young lady said sadly as she continued to look out the window
into the night.

"Is something wrong, miss?" Nathan asked.

"Oh, nothing," the young lady said, but then turned towards us,"yes,
something is wrong.  I'm Katrina Hunterly, and I'm so bored and lonely
here.  Don't tell my parents this, but I wish I had friends that'd come
and visit me, or even some pets."

"Katrina, your father said you were allergic to pet fur," Wanna said,"and
don't you have friends from school that can ..."

"I'm in a private boarding school," Katrina said sadly,"my parents think
that no one is good enough to be my friend.  They're always telling people
I'm allergic to pets because they don't any old 'smelly animals' around
me.   I wish that for once ...."

"Katrina!" Miles Hunterly shouted,"come over here and meet my other
guests, darling!"

"Oh well, you'll have to excuse me," Katrina said as she was walking
away,"nice to meet both of you!"

"Depressing, isn't it honey?" Wanna said to her husband,"she has
everything money could possibly buy, everything but companionship."

"Now I really wish we'd brought Otto and Samantha," Nathan admitted,"that
poor young lady, I'll bet she's no more than fifteen years old."

One hour passed and everyone seemed to be having a good time, all except
Katrina who was still wondering around the room, looking sadder than ever.
 That's when it happened.  The sounds of glass breaking surprised all of
the party guests into immediate silence.  Standing before them were
several masked figures, all dressed in black and holding handguns.  There
were masked figures at every exit, nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

"Good evening, everyone!" one of the masked men shouted,"tonight's party
has been changed to a fund raiser!   I and my associates are raising
money.... for ourselves!   So, all of you kindly deposit all of your cash
and jewelry into the sacks that my friends are passing out and this will
be all over quickly."

Black hooded figures made their way into the crowd, forcing everyone at
gunpoint to surrender their valuables.  

"What can we do, honey?" Wanna whispered to Nathan.

"Nothing we can do, dear," Nathan whispered back,"we left our black boxes
at home, remember?"

"How can we contact Otto and Starlight?" Wanna whispered.  

"Alright, can the chatter!" one of the thugs grumbled at Nathan and
Wanna,"gimme all your stuff, now!"

Nathan threw his wallet into the sack, and Wanna took off her earrings and
necklace.  She hesitated to remove her wedding ring, but when the man
stuck his gun in her face, she sadly took the ring off and tossed it in
the sack.  It was a good thing that Starlight and I had our monitoring
systems activated, we both picked up the signal of the Hunterly mansion's
silent alarm system.

"Nathan and Wanna are in trouble!" Starlight shouted.

"You're right, Starlight!" I added,"that's the silent alarm at the
Hunterly Mansion!"

"Oh NO!!" Samantha barked,"we have to go there now!"

"Ok, but we better go there invisible and scan the place first," I
suggested,"that way we'll know what we're up against."

"I'm coming with you!" the Gila Monster shouted as he reached for his
trusty 2 x 4,"I hope I git to clobber some goonies!"

With a loud BOOM!!!   the four of us were standing just outside of the
mansion's front gate, still not visible to the naked eye.

"Scanning..." I said coldly,"looks like there are twelve humans inside
with handguns, the other guests are not armed.  These humans are all
dressed in black, they appear to be robbing everyone in the mansion."

"Should we contact the police?" Samantha barked.

"I already have," Starlight said,"but they might not get here for a while,
we better stop them ourselves!"

"ALRIGHT!!!!" the Gila Monster exclaimed,"It's clobbering time!"

"Here's the plan," I said,"Sam and I will wonder in through that open
door. Gila, you sneak around the back.  Starlight, guard the front, keep
scanning and make sure they don't make a run for it, OK?  Let's go!

Samantha and I walked into the huge mansion unnoticed, the Gila climbed up
the back wall and into a rear window while Starlight stood quietly near
the huge front double doors.  We were all slowly becoming visible, 
Samantha and I watched as the black-suited robbers were finishing their
dirty deed.

"I know you have contacted the police!" the leader of the mob shouted,"so
as a little added insurance, I'm taking a hostage.... your daughter,
Katrina!"

"NO!" Miles screamed,"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"

"We have all the guns, moneybags!" another of the men answered as two of
the men grabbed Katrina by her arms.

"We gotta act now!" I barked,"first, let's take their guns!   Sam, focus
on the guns, we'll transport them all into the pool out back!"

It was with great amazement that the thiefs suddenly realized that all of
their guns were missing.

"What's going on here?" one of them yelled in frustration,"someone's
trying to be a hero, KILL THE GIRL!"   

As one of the men produced a large knife, he suddenly fell to the ground
unconscience.  Behind him stood the leather-jacketed Gila Monster.

"NOT TODAY, CREEP!" he growled as he swung his 2 x 4 viciously at them,
Samantha ran over to Katrina while the Gila Monster was keeping all the
thugs busy.

"Come with me, ma'am!" Samantha shouted to her.

"You... you can talk!" Katrina said in amazement.

"I'll take you outside!" Samantha said as she closed her eyes and with a
loud BOOM!!!!!  both of them were standing outside beside of Starlight

"Police are on the way!" Starlight said,"who's the human?"

"WOW!!!!"  Katrina screamed,"the horse can talk, too!"

"Yes, the horse can talk!" Starlight said with a smile,"you two better
hide in the bushes until the cops get here."

"Good idea!" Samantha answered as she led Katrina away.  Meanwhile, inside
the mansion the Gila Monster was making quick work of the would be
theives, one of them ran out the front door and towards Starlight.

"What luck, a horse!" he said as he jumped on Starlight's back,"giddy up! 
giddy up!"

"So, you want a ride?" Starlight snickered,"I'll give you a REAL RIDE!"

The man was frightened enough when he heard Starlight talk, but became
really scared when the saddle he was sitting in automatically strapped him
in and the stirrup holders grabbed and locked his legs.  Starlight then
proceeed to run around in circles at her full lightening-fast speed,
causing the man to scream histerically.  After a minute of that, Starlight
had the saddle to release the man, he fell to the ground and instantly
hurled.

"Ewwwww, GROSS!"  Samantha barked.

"That's why I didn't want him sitting on me anymore!" Starlight said with
a horselaugh,"I pride myself in staying clean!"

The police arrived on the scene and soon had all of the thieves in
custody.   I quietly zapped Nathan and Wanna home so they could change
into the Computer Renegade and Masked Melitta and returned.  Later, Mr and
Mrs Hunterly and Katrina thanked us for all we had done.

"Renegade, Melitta," Miles Hunterly said proudly,"your friends saved my
daugther, especially the man in the reptile costume!"

"Well, that's not exactly a costume," I tried to explain but the Hunterlys
all walked over to where the Gila Monster was standing.

"Young man, where did you learn all od those combat skills?" Miles asked
him.

"I didn't learn nothing!" the Gila said with a grin,"I jist whack bad guys
with my 2 x 4 here, that's all!"

"You can take that mask off now!" Mrs Hunterly said happily,"I'd like to
see what you really look like!"

"Me too!" Katrina shouted,"you saved me and I want to give you a big kiss!"

"But this ain't no mask!" the Gila said sternly.

"Poppycock!" Miles said as he grabbed the Gila Monster's head and began to
pull.

"Your headpiece seems to be stuck," Miles said as he continued to pull on
Gila's skull.

"HEY!" the Gila roared as he shook Miles off of him,"this here is my real
face!  Now, young lady, about that kiss..."

Mr and Mrs Hunterly and Katrina all screamed and ran away from us.  

"That's graditude fer ya!" the Gila Monster growled,"see if I ever come to
this house again!"

The rest of us were laughing too hard to comment.  Sometimes being a
superhero is a thankless job, but at least it's an honest job.   Later
when the Hunterlys all calmed down, they did thank us for saving their
daughter and party guests.  All of the stolen merchandise was returned and
the party proceeded without further incident.  Nathan and Wanna zapped
themselves back home and changed back into their 'party clothes' and
quietly returned to the party.  Samantha, the Gila Monster and I stayed
behind and kept Katrina company.  I even talked Miles into getting his
daughter some pets of her own!  The Gila Monster wasn't too upset about
not getting his promised 'kiss' because he was too busy eating at the
buffet table.   Starlight was even permitted to come into the room, and
she talked the night away with the other guests!

It's a good thing all of us decided to crash this party!
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